My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
