a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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