My nipple is on Facebook.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
