Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
