I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
