It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
