I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
