I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
