I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
