Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
