I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
