as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
