Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
