D3 body, D1 cock
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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