i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
