Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
