I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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