I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
