Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
