never play flip cup with pint glasses
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
