$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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