Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
