you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
