Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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