So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
