ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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