I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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