no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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