That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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