dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
