I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
