Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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