How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
