just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
And then my night got REAL pukey
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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