After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
