i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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