Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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