I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
