her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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