Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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