I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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