remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
