That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
