Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
