I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
