I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
