Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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