my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
