If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i came on her dog
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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