yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
