he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
it's like iHOP with fire
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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