I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Are we still banned from the library?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
